Children in Divorce Situations
Stay Connected to Your Children When They Visit The Other Parent
In today’s world, there are a number of children whose parents have decided to divorce. There are always different reasons why parents of children decide to end the relationship, but whatever the motivation, there is always an impact on the children who experience the divorce.
No matter what the catalyst was for the divorce, the children are the people who will experience the most disruption in their lives after the parents end their relationship. While the parents move on, the kids are expected to move in and out of two different homes. Meanwhile, they miss time with one parent in every move. Here are some tips to help your children feel connected to both parents during visits to the other home.
Why Parents Should Connect
In most custody arrangements, children of all ages are expected to pack their bags often to visit parents in two different households. This isn’t always easy. Can you imagine having to do the following?
- Live in two different households
- Have two different sets of expectations in each household
- Have different friends in each neighborhood
- Have to pack clothes and remember everything each time you visit both households
No matter who your children are visiting or whether they are enjoying themselves or not, they will always miss the parent they are not with. They want to feel connected to both of you, but aren’t always sure of the best way to do that. Pursue the following steps and teach them that they can feel connected to both parents no matter where they are.
Put a Note In Their Bag
Before your children leave for a visit with your ex, put a note in their bag. Let them know you will be thinking of them while they are gone and that they are special to you as well. Tell them to have a good time while they are there. You don’t want them to feel bad or guilty about enjoying their time while they are away. It is healthy for them to feel good about their trip and not to worry about what is happening in your home. Tell them you love them and look forward to their trip home.
Put Pictures in Their Bag
Put some pictures of yourself and you and your children together in their bag. That way, they can look at it as often as they want to and they can keep it hidden quietly away without upsetting your ex. Hopefully at some point, your ex will be comfortable with allowing them to put a picture of you in their room.
At your house, explain to your children they can put up pictures in their room of your ex (and any new family) so they can think of them often.
Call Frequently
Of course, this may cause some issues with your ex, but discuss it ahead of time with your ex so he doesn’t think you are interfering with his home life. For young children, set a time to call to connect and have the child answer the telephone at the time. That way, there isn’t a discussion between you and your ex spouse and arguments cannot erupt.
There will be nights when they may not be home, so leave a message for your children tell them you look forward to talking with them the next night. For older children, purchase a cell phone and have them call you when it is convenient. That way, you can connect frequently and you don’t have to worry about problems with your ex.
At your house, explain to your children they may call the other parent at any time and that they can receive calls at anytime in order that they feel they may talk as frequently as they wish.
When your children are older and they can begin using the Internet, set up an e-mail account. This a great way to connect with your children that is not intrusive in anyway and nor is it expensive. They can have the opportunity to e-mail you as often as they want and at great length and you can respond often as well.
At your house, teach them to connect to the Internet and help them initiate contact with their other parent in order for that relationship to be fostered.
Depending upon how long your children are gone, and often in the summer this can be a long period of time, send a letter and a small gift in the mail. This is a great way to show children that you are thinking about them and it can be exciting for them to receive their own mail.
No matter where your children are or what type of parent your ex is, children will miss you both when they are not with you. Follow some of these simple steps so your children can feel connected to both parents during visits and it can help ease some of the pain of any separation. Also remember to be respectful of the other parents and do your best to communicate with them in order for the transitions to be easy for your children. If you think of your children first, this makes it all a little easier.
