In their September 2007 press release, the United States Census Bureau reported that first marriages that do not endure typically last eight years. Additionally and on average, people who married in the late 1950s stayed together longer than people who married in the late 1980s.
Regardless of when it occurs, divorce can bruise a person’s self-esteem. To survive the life change, it is imperative that women and men realize that the end of a relationship does not define who they are. As Aretha Franklin sings in her song, “A Rose Is Still A Rose,” the end of a relationship is not the end of a life.
Define Relationship Goals While Separated
To minimize the hurt and pain of divorce, early into the separation process people should define what it was that they wanted from the relationship. Doing this might yield the surprising fact that each person gained several of the qualities, blessings or life lessons that he or she wanted to gain from the marriage. These positives will serve adults for the rest of their lives.
Take half an hour to write down lessons learned during the union as well as lessons learned during the separation. This list will prove that the marriage was not a total loss. For some people, the list might convince them to seek professional counseling and work to maintain their union.
Allow Room for Joy During and After a Divorce
People who move forward with their divorce will benefit from setting aside at least half an hour a day to engage in activities that cause them to feel joy. Without this, it can be tempting to dwell on negative events from the marriage. Taking the time to enjoy life will shift a person’s focus from stressful and painful events to hopeful and positive happenings. For example, to enjoy life, people can soak in a warm, scented bubble bath, go to a favorite sporting event, take a nature walk, catch a movie with a friend or read a good book.
More so, people who divorce will benefit from continuing to learn and venturing into new areas of life. They can enroll in a night class at a local college. They can open the business they’ve been thinking about starting since they were a teenager. After all, divorce is not the end. It is a new beginning.
Children are Not Leverage in a Divorce
Divorcing parents should never use their children as leverage. They should allow their former spouse to see the children unless doing so puts the children in danger. Children do not want to be deprived of their mother or father’s love.
Parents who allow their children to see their former spouse during and after a divorce demonstrate their deep love for their children. They prove to their children that they will do what they must, what they can, to ensure that their children grow up to be happy, healthy, intelligent, positive and loving adults.
Heal After a Divorce Before Starting New Relationships
Allow enough time to heal following a divorce. Steer clear of the temptation to jump into another relationship to ease the pain of the change. People who start new relationships too soon might transfer old hurts, unresolved emotions and anger onto their new partner. This will tear at any relationship.
When a person is emotionally and mentally ready to start dating again it is good to meet in a public place for the first few dates. This instills safety. It also removes the temptation to move too fast in the relationship. As new relationships begin, divorced persons should ensure their children of their undying love for them.
Divorce is often painful. Yet it does not define a person. Creating a list of what was learned during the marriage can help people experiencing divorce to focus on their positive present and future. It can also help parents to work together to raise their children with love. Divorced persons who give themselves time to heal before they embark on new relationships, can increase their chances of creating successful relationships in the future.
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