Dealing with Emotions After Separation
Tips for Effective Ways to Feel Better After Leaving a Partner
Jun 4, 2009
Relationships are a complex system of human emotions, feelings, compassion and understanding (to name but a few), be it a sibling relationship, a parent child relationship, a friendship or a partnership. All of these relationships take work to make them successful. When a marriage breaks down or a de-facto relationship ends people will feel very differently at different times before, during and after separation.
Separation Feelings
The person who has done the leaving will feel differently about himself and the other person than the person that has been left. Some of the feelings include:
- Anger. Particularly the person that has been left might experience extreme feelings of anger which can show as the person acting out and showing unpredictable behaviour.
- Shock and Denial. Each person will feel this at some stage during, before or after the leaving process. More than likely the person that has initiated the leaving has gone through these feelings already and is moving on. However, the person that is being left, particularly if it took him by surprise, will suffer from these feelings and have mixed up thoughts as well as feelings of fear. There is fear of the unknown and fear of being lonely.
- Depression and Isolation. Again this is probably stronger in the person that has been left. The person initiating the leaving will have gone through these long before the relationship ended. People in this case will feel helpless and their thought pattern will seem jumbled to them.
- Acceptance. Eventually people come to accept what has happened and move on. Actions become more reasonable and thought patterns more practical.
When Do These Feeling Occur
People will feel differently about separating at different times. Some might still struggle to come to terms with what happened a long time after it happened and not move on to acceptance for some time. New feelings can arise weeks, months or years after the time of separation. It is important that one recognizes this and does not get depressed because it is happening.
What to Do to Cope After Separation
- Most importantly one should keep one's job if at all possible. Interacting with other people is healthy. When one is depressed, the temptation is to stay in bed and not do anything. Going to work forces one to get up and get going.
- One should try to do something different. Perhaps there has been a hobby that one has wanted to start or a group one has wanted to join. Now is the time to do something for oneself.
- Starting an exercise program is always a good way to stay healthy and focused.
- One should not be afraid to seek professional help at any point in time.
There is an End in Sight
Eventually there will be a change in how one feels about the relationship breakdown. There will be feelings of empowerment. As thoughts become more focused, behavior will become more productive and feelings of self worth will increase.
The saying "time heals all wounds" does apply to the breakdown of relationship and one should remember this during the tough time.
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