Getting Over a Relationship
Jul 1, 2010 Aneeta Sundararaj
Usually, when a relationship comes to an end, people feel heartbroken and emotionally raw. Such hurt and pain, though devastating, can be worse if they do not get over this relationship. Here are a few ideas which should help a newly single person move on from a relationship that has ended.
Divorced Men and Women Need to Let the Past Go
Start by keeping in mind that there is very little that can be done about the past. No amount of wishing, hoping or wanting an ex-partner to return will bring him or her back. Every minute spent focusing on the past is wasted. Try living in the present and this means dealing with all the normal feelings of failure, dependency, guilt, resentment and anger.
Be completely honest and look at the relationship objectively. A relationship rarely breaks up because one party is at fault; its disintegration begins long before the decision is made to end it and must be accepted by all parties concerned.
Newly Single Men and Women May be Alone but Not Lonely
The next thing to remember is that though now alone, a newly single person doesn't have to be lonely. True, he or she will no longer have that one person to share stories, grievances and joys with. However, there are so many other people out there and there is no need to grieve any longer than is necessary. Joining classes and pursuing hobbies in earnest fills up time and helps to build trust with others; the return on investment for the energy and time invested is personal growth and confidence.
Such focus on the present moment helps to seek closure as well. Closure can involve something as simple as throwing away old pictures of an ex-partner, gifts or mementos, move furniture around the home or repaint the walls.
Divorced People Need to Forgive Themselves and Their Partners
To forgive an ex-partner, on a piece of paper, list down the manner in which he or she has caused hurt and pain. Then, write down all the things done together. Then, write down all the things the you’ve done which you are not proud of. After that, say the following words aloud – “I forgive my partner (name the person) and I release all the hurt and anger I’ve felt. I did the best I could with what I had at the time. I now forgive my partner and myself.” Then tear this piece of paper and throw it away.
Letting the past go, keeping busy and learning to forgive ex-partners are all ways that help lift the spirit and steer life in a new direction. With the right attitude, the burden of pain and suffering from a devastating breakup of a relationship will be lifted.
Sources:
McDaniel, Nancy. Alone but Not Lonely, GoInside.com, August 20, 2000 (accessed July 1, 2010).
Chopra, Deepak. Ask Deepak: How to Forgive Your Ex, Oprah.com, March 1, 2010 (accessed July 1, 2010).
