Helping Children Through Divorce
Strategies and Advice to Assist Children Dealing With Divorce
Although it is the adults in a family who divorce each other, children are always very much affected by divorce and the implications that a family split brings. With the National Center for Health Statistics reporting that as at 2005 nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, it should be of little surprise that many children and young adults are in need of support due to family breakup issues. Here are some tips and practical strategies to help children through the difficult time around divorce.
Be Honest and Open With Communication
It is best if both parents together, and at a well decided time, approach the topic of divorce with their children. It is easy to answer questions that way, with all members of the family then receiving the same messages at the same time.
Sometimes this is not possible for any number of reasons and so the parent talking to the children about an impending divorce should aim to speak respectfully of the absent parent. Children, unless they have been harmed or are at risk of significant harm, deserve to love each parent unconditionally and need to be reassured that divorce is an adult issue and not the result of anything that they may have said or done.
Age appropriate communication is needed in all circumstances though and it is not advisable to talk to your child or teen in a way that you would a friend. Honesty is important, but there are times when it just is not suitable for specific details to be shared with children.
Inform Your Children’s Teachers
Although your family’s personal business is a private issue, telling your child’s teacher what’s happening is important. Your child’s teacher may notice a change in your child’s demeanour, behaviour or school work and informing them of the changes to your family circumstances will allow them to better care for your child at this time.
If you know that your child has a particularly close relationship with their teacher, maybe the teacher would consider being available to be an impartial “grown up” that the child can communicate their feelings to. Once aware of impending divorces, most teachers are more than willing to support their student in any way they possibly can.
Create a Positive Future For Your New Style Family
As hard as it may be to consider the future during the midst of divorcing, children need reassurance that everything in their future will be ok. Things may no longer be the same as they were, but in the long run they will be ok. Tell your children that, not once, but many times. Remind them that they are loved by both parents and that this is one constant that will not change. Reassure them that both parents will continue to care for them and be involved in their lives, but that Mom and Dad will be living in different places.
Give Time to Adjust
Children are by nature very flexible and adaptable but they will still need adjustment time to process what has happened to their family. Some of this time may be a period of grieving and although few children are able to articulate it, they will be mourning the loss of the family structure they have known and been familiar with. Remember that any sadness in time, with support, love and understanding, will pass.
Helpful Resources
The website KidsTurn Central has a wonderful section on children of divorce and is certainly a great place to start seeking resources for your children.
Helping children with divorce starts with honest communication and relies upon them being able to envisage a positive future for their new-style family. Be sure to inform teachers and any other significant adult in your child's life that things at home are changing and remember that ample time, support and love are needed at this time too.
