Living Together Before Marriage
Divorce Research Study Says Cohabitation May Increase Divorce
Aug 15, 2009 Christina Gregoire
According to a new research study, living together before marriage may increase the chance of divorce. Cohabitation is a positive factor for divorce, which sounds good, but actually means that couples who live together are more likely to split up after marriage.
Living Together Before Marriage - Statistics
This information is based upon a 5-year study by Scott Stanley, a psychologist at the University of Denver. Stanley has been interested in the subject of cohabitation for the past 15 years, after he read a 1995 report on the subject.
Thirty years ago, apartment owners seldom allowed unmarried couples to rent a place together, but times have changed, and today, living together before marriage is a common occurrence. Often, the reason is financial, but sometimes people just live together out of loneliness.
The Denver study found that out of 1,050 married people, 19 percent of those who "lived together" before marriage had talked to their spouse about divorce. In the control group who did not live together, only 10 percent had brought up divorce. This means that twice as many people who cohabitated had wanted a divorce enough to tell their partner. These numbers confirm the outcome of the earlier, 1995 study.
Dr. Stanley concludes that many people, who lived together, are less dedicated to making the marriage succeed than those who never had the same premarital address.
Reasons Not to Live Together
Various studies have shown something called "The Cohabitation Effect". This includes:
- More negative communication in marriage
- Lower levels of marital satisfaction
- Higher marital instability
- Lower levels of male commitment to spouse
- Greater likelihood of divorce
Professor Stanley continues, “The problem is one of inertia.” Once a couple lives together, their finances are mingled together and it is more difficult for a couple to break up than if they had their own apartments. This causes a lot of people to marry because it is more convenient than putting a lot of effort into separating. Yes, getting a new place is a hassle.
Moving in with Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Couples who moved in together, after making the commitment of becoming engaged, scored just like those who waited until after the marriage ceremony. And, this makes sense because both groups took a deliberate and serious step towards permanence.
One Person Doesn't Want to Get Married
Sometimes, one partner sees cohabitation as a step toward marriage and long-term commitment, while the other does not. It would be interesting to see if the man or the woman were statistically more likely to push for the commitment, but there is no data available to answer this question.
Does Cohabitation Lead to Divorce?
The real question is whether or not cohabitation leads to divorce, or whether cohabitation is practiced by people who are less stable financially or emotionally than those who live apart. Well, the answer is very difficult to discover from a questionnaire. This type of analysis requires in-depth study of individual couples, which was not part of the Denver study.
Stanley reasons, it could very well be, that cohabitation doesn’t weaken relationships and that the relationships at risk may have involved pregnancy or people who were too weak to be in a relationship, in the first place.
Is Living Together a Good Idea?
Many people believe that living together before marriage can be a good thing because it allows couples to “practice” being married before taking the final step. This may be true in some instances, but for many, who live together only to save money, the results can be disastrous. And, some couples, who live together, may just find it is easier to stay together, even though others can see that the relationship is heading downhill.
According to Dr. Stanley, no matter what popular media portrays, all published articles that he has read over the years, point to the same conclusion: Living together before marriage has no benefit for a long term relationship, and may add risk.
How Important is Religion?
It is possible that people, who wait until after marriage to live together, are more traditionally religious and have skewed the statistics. Stanley says that this would explain part of the resulting outcome but not enough to dismiss the findings.
The conclusion seems to be: Why take a chance? While it is convenient and financially logical for young couples to live together, the risks usually outweigh the benefits. Maybe granny was right.
Information from this article is not intended to be a substitute for advice from a lawyer, financial planner, therapist, or other professional. Please consult a lawyer or other professional for specific advice.Resources:
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McCarthy, Ellen. "Force of Cohabit: Making or Breaking a Marriage?" The Washington Post, washingtonpost.com, August 16, 2009.
Stanley, Scott, and Rhoades, Galena. "Sliding vs Deciding: Understanding a Mystery". National Council on Family Relations, June 2009. Prepinc.com.
Before Marriage
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Getting Married
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Living Together Engaged
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