Prior to the first session with the divorce mediator, each spouse should think about his or her expectations for the final divorce settlement. They should consider all aspects of the divorce, including property, bank accounts, debts, retirement accounts, and child custody and visitation and make a list of what they would like to see at the end of the divorce mediation.
Issues to Consider Before Starting Divorce Mediation
- House
- Mortgage
- Furniture
- Computers and electronics
- Art/antiques
- Cars
- Boats
- Child support
- Alimony
- College funds
- Retirement accounts
- Bank accounts
- Stocks and bonds
- Back taxes
- Business partnerships/holdings
- Credit cards
- Child custody
- Visitation/co-parenting plans
- Children’s educational and medical expenses
Before going into the first divorce mediation session, both parties should mark on their lists the issues on which they are willing to negotiate, and on which points they do not feel comfortable conceding.
Each party should try to also try to anticipate any objections that the spouse might bring up during the divorce mediation and be prepared to address those concerns.
During the Divorce Mediation Session
Couples should not expect to resolve all of their issues during the first divorce mediation session, particularly if one spouse is contesting the divorce, or if the parties have significant assets, debts, or minor children.
Even though divorce mediation can bring out strong emotions, all parties should try to remain calm, civil, and make only reasonable requests. If, at any time either spouse feels attacked or overwhelmed, or he or she should ask the mediator for a break. Sometimes it may be beneficial to end a session early and resume when spouses feel composed and ready to confront the issues.
During a divorce mediation session, it is important that both parties understand the issues being discussed. Because the divorcing couple will be dealing with complex issues involving finances, real estate, and their legal rights, both parties should feel free to ask the mediator questions at any point during the session.
Parties should not feel like they have to offer immediate responses if they are unsure how they want to respond to an offer. During divorce mediation, it is acceptable to set aside an issue and come back to it later if either party needs time to think about the implications of that choice.
Each spouse should offer alternative solutions when they are unable to accept the other party’s offer. Successful divorce mediation relies on both parties trying to reach mutual agreement. It is difficult to do this if either spouse is unwilling to make counteroffers during the mediation session.
Final Written Agreement
Before signing any agreements, both parties should look the documents over carefully and ask the mediator to revise or clarify any points that are not worded as they were discussed during the mediation session. If the spouses have retained divorce lawyers, it is advisable for the attorneys to look over the final product to ensure they are fair and legally sufficient.
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