Recognizing Parental Alienation
Detecting Attempts to Alienate a Child from the Separated Parent
Aug 2, 2009
Attempts to alienate a child from the other parent is an act of willful violation of one of the main duties of parenthood. Both parents have a responsibility to promote a happy and healthy relationship with the other parent, regardless of the relationship that exists between the adults.
Some of the Symptoms of Parental Alienation
One parent actively prevents the child from seeing the other parent. There can be allegations of sexual or psychological abuse, or there is the argument that the other parent lacks appropriate parental judgment. Another reason often advanced by the parent is that visiting the absent parent is too unsettling for the child. The result of this is an erosion of the relationship between child and the absent parent.
The resident parent alleges emotional abuse by the other parent. Often this is difficult to prove and young children are more vulnerable to manipulations by the resident parent to fuel such false allegations. Sometimes this alleged emotional abuse is simply another way of parenting, which is framed as emotional abuse by the parent engaging in parental alienation.
Examples of this include the absent parent allowing the child to stay up longer, introducing a significant new other or enrolling the child in an activity the main parent considers inappropriate. On their own these things seem trivial but when combined with other similar concepts the main parent will use them to fuel allegations of abuse.
A deterioration of the relationship with the children since separation. If a father (it is usually mothers who try to alienate the father from the children) had a good relationship with his children prior to separation and this deteriorates since separation, it can be assumed that the mother is engaging in parental alienation, all be it there is no actual proof of this occurring. If the father is actively trying to maintain a relationship with the children and trying to see them and they are not interested, then parental alienation must be one of the causes, since children do not just lose interest in one of their parents.
Who is the Main Perpetrator of Parental Alienation
Historically mothers have been the primary care giver of the children pre and post separation. Over the years fathers have sought to have more involvement with their children. However, after separation, it is still generally mother who try to undermine fathers.
Which Children are More Affected
Younger children are more vulnerable to attempts of parental alienation and it is critical that the non resident parent does not simply walk away. Teenage children are still affected by it but are sometimes able to see what is going on. All children affected by parental alienation require therapy to help them deal with the situation.
How to Overcome Parental Alienation
The parent subjected to alienation needs to ensure that he does not simply walk away from the situation. If alienated parents do, any relationship with their children will be lost.
Generally these sorts of cases are before the court, and it is essential to stay focused on the task of proving the alienation is perpetrated by the resident parent. Skilled lawyers and psychologists will be able to assist. Time is also critical. The longer the children are expose to the alienation process the more fragile the relationship will become.
Parents need to remember that the child's best interest should be paramount and any attempt to undermine the other parent is not acceptable. In fact undermining the other parent violates the parental principle of ensuring children have a meaningful relationship with both parents.
Attending a comprehensive parenting course can help parents deal with the situation better, and if the matter is at court, show to the court the commitment toward being a better parent.
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