What are Your Rights as a Father in Divorce?

Family Law is Still Murky in Most Areas of the United States

Sep 22, 2009 Arlene Miles

The birth of a son is often the happiest moment of a man's life, but what happens when the couple divorces ex-wife does not want the husband to be part of the boy's life?

What's more, what happens when the ex-wife has accuses a man of abuse, as well as a number of other allegations which the man feels have never happened? In addition, the man must petition the court for visitation while the divorce is underway. Sound familiar?

Father's Rights are Still Ambiguous

Although violating court-ordered visitation is a misdemeanor, the rights of fathers in divorce cases are still ambiguous at best.

"Family law is riddled with lies, lies that family lawyers make money off of," said Richard Thomas in a September 2009 telephone interview. Thomas is media coordinator for Illinois Fathers, a not-for-profit organization devoted to the rights of all fathers.

According to Thomas fewer than 5% of all fathers involved in a divorce case get sole custody of their children. Joint custody is generally not an option, simply because both the mother and father cannot make the judge believe that a workable solution is possible. What happens then is the judge in the case usually follow the status quo, meaning that the mother gets custody and most of the rights.

Malicious Mother Syndrome Can Complicate Cases

Divorce is complicated enough, but what happens in some cases is that the mother turns on the father and the children, providing a number of falsehoods to promote her own case. According to Ira Daniel Turkat, PhD, this is known as Malicious Mother Syndrome.

Four major criteria encompass the syndrome. These are:

• A mother who unjustifiably punishes her divorcing or divorced husband by attempting to alienate mutual children from their father/ involving others in malicious actions against the father; engaging in excessive litigation.
• The mother specifically attempts to deny her child(ren) regular uninterrupted visitation and uninhibited telephone access with the father, and paternal participation in school life and extracurricular activities.
• The pattern is pervasive and includes malicious acts towards the husband and includes lying to the children, lying to others, and violations of the law.
• The disorder is not specifically due to another mental disorder, although a separate mental disorder may co-exist.

Mistakes Men Make in Divorce Cases

As noted by Mike Weening, many men make five common mistakes in divorce court. These include:

• Failing to respond to legal action. Many men believe that even if accusations are false that their spouse will drop the legal action or that they will be able to come to an agreement outside of court. Failing to respond in a family law proceeding means a "default judgment" will be entered against you and your spouse will be granted everything that is requested.
• Incorrect legal advice. Law changes constantly. Take the time to learn what laws are currently in place. That could foster a good outcome in addition to minimizing any adverse situations.
• Signing a bad settlement agreement. If you like the agreement, no problem. But if you don't, refuse to settle for a best-cake scenario to work out things. Let negotiations continue.
• Doesn't Perform Agreements.This is a follow-through from the above point. If you don't like an agreement that you've been offered, don't sign it because chances are you won't follow through with it. Non-compliance with court orders can severely deter your chances or getting what you want.
• Giving up. It's frustrating watching a judge listen to and sympathize with everything an ex-spouse says, particularly if it isn't true. Don't get so frustrated that you lose your composure. Remember you could end up in court again in the future.

Men Should Protect Themselves

For any situation in which you believe you believe an ex-spouse will hit you with false accusations, protect yourself through education and documentation. For allegations of abuse, point to the absence of any police, doctor or DCFS reports. Bring witnesses who can testify for you in court. Even consider audio or video records of any meetings you may have. You can never be too careful in documenting your position accurately in a divorce case and custody battle.

The copyright of the article What are Your Rights as a Father in Divorce? in Divorce is owned by Arlene Miles. Permission to republish What are Your Rights as a Father in Divorce? in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Fathers' Rights are Still Murky in Divorce

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