Divorce, though extremely common in today’s society, is not a quick fix, especially when there are children involved. The decision to divorce is not one that should be taken lightly. While divorce isn’t always the best option in bad circumstances, there are situations that make divorce, or legal separation, the only option.
Domestic Violence
A divorce -- or at least a legal separation for a period of time to seek professional help -- is a necessity when there is violence in the relationship. There is no excuse for abuse -- ever!
Domestic violence affects the entire family, especially the children, who see and understand more than one might think. Sadly, 50% of children in a domestic violence situation also suffer abuse, according to the Family Violence and Prevention Fund, in their 2008 fact sheet entitled “The Facts on Children and Domestic Violence.”
The spouse who is abusive rarely changes without intervention, and the abuse will grow worse over time. Those who are in an abusive relationship should make a safety plan and get out with the help of a local domestic violence center or law enforcement.
Child Abuse or Endangerment
Children are helpless to defend themselves, and dependent upon their parents to take care of them. When a parent, or step-parent, is abusive, the child has no choice but to endure. It is the responsibility of the other parent to remove the child from the abusive situation immediately.
Unfortunately, mothers are especially hesitant to leave the abusive spouse and take the children with them. They fear losing their husband permanently, worry about how they will provide for their kids, and are bothered by the thought of leaving their old life and home behind. However, the children must come first. It is far better to survive for a time on welfare than to allow the child to suffer through any further trauma.
An Extra-Marital Affair
When a spouse is caught cheating, a divorce often seems inevitable. Trust has been shattered, and marital vows broken, it can be difficult to continue on with the relationship.
In circumstances of infidelity, a divorce may not be inevitable.
- Is the unfaithful spouse willing to remain in the relationship, and seek counseling in order to save the marriage?
- Will he or she give up the affair?
- Is this the first affair, or one of a string of infidelities?
- Has a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) been contracted and possibly spread? Testing for this should be conducted on both spouses.
- What are the circumstances surrounding the affair? Are there other moral, legal, financial, or ethical situations that should be factored into the decision?
Divorce Doesn’t Mean the End
When divorce becomes reality, it is common to feel hopeless and helpless. Most people going through a divorce will go through the same process of grieving that is often associated with a loved one’s death. Divorce is a major loss.
It is important to remember that divorce is just the closing of one chapter in life and the beginning of another. Seek counseling if the grief becomes too much to bear.
Related Articles:
Saving a Marriage after Infidelity
Children and Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence Leads to Divorce
